Intimacy

Intimate : belonging to or characterizing one’s deepest nature.

Intimacy occurs between two people. The two people share. What is it that they share that makes them intimate? Its those things that they don’t tell anybody else. Its those things they think and feel. Its their pain and their worries and their concerns. It requires trust to become truly intimate with another person because they can crush you after you have revealed yourself and they can hurt you with their words.

Or maybe they will abandon you after you have let yourself go and given them the full brunt of your love. So the natural response is to not let oneself go in too deep or love too much, just in case you have to retreat with your heart -  just in the case your lover decides to abandon you or hurt you. So many people avoid real intimacy - even with their spouse.

With women as it is with men, true intimacy will only occur after a platform of trust has been strongly built. Now add the fact that married people generally are physically intimate and enter into a sexual relationship of physical intimacy adds another dimension. Mainly because there are those who can be physically intimate yet guard their true thoughts, desires, opinions and keep things to themselves – especially men. Yet there are women who have this gifting too.

It’s a dangerous thing to not truly be intimate with your spouse because basically you are sleeping with a stranger. Someone you really don’t know. A man generally is not going to be intimate with you if you are a tape recorder and replay everything to your mama and friends.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
                          Genesis 2:24
                   King James Version (KJV)

One now can understand the “leave and cleave” passage because the level of intimacy required for a husband and wife to be one flesh requires private and personal sharing between man and wife and not man, wife and in-laws.

True intimacy crosses monetary boundaries. If you are truly intimate with your spouse you will tell them you received a bonus of $1,200.00 and not take the money and put it in an account in another city with your name on it. You generally will not hide things. You share the good and the bad.

True intimacy will never happen if you make the person feel small when they are around and you demean them. And what can be worst then getting up the nerve and courage to reveal your deepest aspirations, thoughts and dreams only to have the person walk across the room and turn on the TV in the middle of your sentence or hear a loud snore rumble from under the covers as you bear your soul. So for intimacy both husband and wife must be a great listener.

If I share that I have had a life long battle with sleeping with the lights off in the bedroom and that I must have a nightlight and you don’t laugh when I reveal this deep information that helps with intimacy between us. If we have a fight and my spouse throws the nightlight out the front door that’s hitting below the belt and threatens future intimacy.

If I know my spouse’s biggest nightmare is having a “gut.” I will not -out of spite- leisurely say “getting a few love handles hun?” when you know he really isn't.

That’s why married people can have some of the worst arguments ever because both sides have the “button pushing” trigger information stored in the back of their mind that can be used to cause a flair-up.

What is the great benefit of intimacy? It is knowing there is a person who knows my weaknesses and frailties' and they still love me the same and I know after I have looked like a failure to everyone else in the world there is a person who still loves me for the real me.


 

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"If you want to become truly intimate with your spouse start praying with them for five minutes everyday. You find out their truest concerns and desires and it will bring your closer together."
 

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Intimacy Question:

What verbal behavior yields the biggest hindrance  and even death blow to love and
 intimacy In marriage?

Criticism

Intimacy Blockers

Selfishness
Controlling Behavior
Jealousy
Manipulation
Stinginess
Pride
Anger
Being Spoiled
Your Way or the Highway

Could You Be the Problem
 in Your Marriage?