Articles  & Resources
for Marriages
 

Excerpt from Book:
The Unique Woman
by
Edwin Louis Cole &
Nancy Corbett Cole
---Honor Books

"Enjoyable sex gives rise to the joy of the Lord. God's praiseworthiness is as real in the sanctuary  of the home as that of the church.

 It is equally as righteous to express  gratitude and praise to God in the bedroom for the covenant of marriage as it is in the covenant of salvation. If you are married learn to enjoy what God has provided."

 

Praying Through the Deeper
Issues of Marriage
by Stormie Omartian
Great New Book for 2007
 

It's been 3 weeks since I moved out and I can’t sleep because I have her and my kids on my mind 24/7. What should I do?

A.  To  Husband

All’s fair in love and war somebody once said. So if all she will do is talk to you through the kids then if I were you I would be the best dad I could possibly be right now. I know it sounds strange but you will gain miniscule points by being the best possible Dad you can be right now although it will not seem like it.

She loves those kids and you are the father - so if the kids like having you around and truly love you, there is some advantage for you. Now if the kids are welcoming the peace with you gone, then that should be a further wake up call to you. Tell her you need to be informed on all the children's teacher parent meetings and school events so that you may be present.

I don't know what happened, but you need to seek God and pray as never before. You are the head of your family. Tell God you want your family back together and acknowledge any mistakes and repent. Now is the time for introspection.

If I were you and if you have small children, I would be rocking them on my knee over at the house every chance I got. If you really mean what you said about wanting her back, then you will have to give her all the time she needs - especially if you messed up. In the meantime, leave notes, e-mails or voice messages as to where you can be reached. Tell her where you are and what you are doing. Show yourself to be trustworthy.

Do what you say when you say it. Do not get lost. Do not disappear. Do not date. If you say you want to be married then you are going to have to act like a married man although you are separated - if you truly want your wife back. She may not act like she is watching you, but it is being filed in the back of her mind because deep down nobody wants a marriage to fail. They are looking at any straw they can use to tilt the relationship in the right direction.

You have one advantage, and that is she has not served any papers on you yet. That means you must have some iota of a chance. I commend you on not wanting to be another statistic, but I certainly hope she has not endured years of verbal abuse, or controlling behavior.

If you say you are going to pick the kids up at 6pm. Be there 10 or 15 minutes early and sit in the room with the kids. Don’t tell her any lies even if you have to confess the ugly. There is nothing worse than having to dig deep to forgive somebody only to find out there is more unconfessed garbage out there. It’s better to forgive all the mess at one time. You say things will be different. Then you are admitting some failures in the past and you must verbalize that. Do not be afraid to cry in front of your wife. She is still your wife.

Try to get back in the house even if it’s in the garage. Ask to be in a spare room for the sake of the kids. Tell her you will still give her some space. Once you are in, you will be around more and can show yourself to be a changed person. I don't know your name. So I am going to call you Ray.

Ray - you need persistent baby steps and the hand of the Lord to move. If you have truly messed up and committed adultery, do not send her flowers or give her any gifts - that is an insult.

Check yourself into counseling with good Christian counselors at the church and tell her you are going by yourself if she will not go. You keep going and don't miss any appointments. You will be proving that you are making every effort to rehabilitate.

Ray it takes the Holy Spirit to stay in a good marriage because God is the creator of marriage so you need him. Think of the relationship as a triangle with God at the top, and you and your wife at the bottom. Are you seeking the Lord and getting a word from the Lord daily? Is He guiding you in His word - the Bible? Is the Lord leading you?

Women need stability, security and peace. They can be stressed all by themselves so why include you in her life if she has to get away from you - as you said  - to "find peace or get healthy."

You say you can't sleep Ray. You let her know you are going to believe God that you will be back together with your family. Speak life. I guarantee you she will start hearing those words as echoes when you are not around.

Also, a person can't argue if there is no one to argue with.

Here's a good prayer to pray.

--Our Prayers are With you,

Ken and J.T